I am less than a week away from beginning a clinical trial. I am full of many different emotions. Scared, excited fear of the unknown. I felt these emotions before in my life.
When I was expecting my first baby. When I was starting my first round of chemotherapy. When I was starting my first radiation treatments. When I had my first surgeries. Each time something new and possibly life altering was about to happen, I found a way to deal with my stress. For me I have always found the unknown scary. I do not like it when I do not have control. Personally I find that if I have my house in order my life will fall into order. The way that I can control this is by nesting. For me nesting is getting my house neat and tidy. I also find by having everything for my kids organized and labelled and laid out it makes their life easier to.
For I do not know how I will feel or what I will be able to do while I’m on this trial. At least if my home and life is in organized chaos .
Someone else can temporarily step into my heels and make my household still run the way my children and family are used to. So if you see my kids wearing the same outfit a few days in the row . My gardens may look weedy and grass will get very long. Please know that I am not uncaring or lazy. Someone else has stepped into my heels and is trying to keep things normal.
For my 3 little babies are why I fight so so hard and am willing to try anything to watch them grow. As I hopefully grow old with my loving husband.
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